Shortest Stories
by The Brahmin
Summary: The Loud Family undergoes some crazy times in this series of short stories about love, horror, action, suspense, comedy and more. Rated K to M.
1. No More Good Night's Rest

**No More Good Night's Rest**

* * *

Lincoln was in the living room playing videogames. Allergies soon interrupted his button mashing.

"ACHOO!" He yelled.

"Bless you." Someone said.

"Thanks." Lincoln replied.

His blood ran cold. His controller hit the ground when he remembered no one was home.


	2. Headed for Problems

**Headed for Problems**

* * *

The barely clad hitchhiker knew she was in deep trouble the moment she stepped inside the car.

The driver gazed in displeasure at her costume. "Looking for a good time?"

"No...I'm just heading to mall."

"That's your intention? Well, I've got other plans for you, sweetie, and they don't include malls."

Leni couldn't avoid looking at the driver. Nervousness crystallized in her eyes like broken glass.

"Guess I'm grounded, huh Mom?"


	3. Sharp as a Marble

**Sharp as a Marble**

* * *

Lionel, a rather thin, but attractive young man walked into the living room of his friend's house. A house party was beginning to simmer down, so he sat next to a blonde and popped open a can of beer.

The blonde looked at him with a wide smile before yelling in glee.

"The puzzle, I finished it!"

"And it only took you three hours, Leni." Lionel slammed the drink in one gulp.

"But the box says it was for 2 to 6 years."

Lionel silently looked at the cute blonde before releasing a heavy sigh. He picked up a TV remote.

"Let's see what's on, shall we?"

The 16-year old boy secretly liked Leni. He was often entranced by her sensuous curves, but it was her smile that really moved him. She always managed to be in a good mood, no matter what was going on. She was kind, and beautiful...

 _And smart..._

In his mind, he was going to get a girlfriend tonight.

"Oh oh oh, let's watch the news." Leni said excitedly.

Sure enough, he immediately turned on the 11:00 news. The news crew and staff was covering a story of a man running from a group of police officers. When the cops realized the criminal was much faster (and in better shape) than they were, one of the officers began to draw his weapon and aimed at the criminal.

"Do you think he'll really shoot him?" Leni asked wide-eyed.

Lionel looked at Leni. "He probably will."

"No way, he would just use a taser if he wanted to stop him...there's no way he'll shoot him."

"I bet he will."

"Well, I bet he won't."

Lionel laughed and placed 50 dollars on the dining room table. "You're on!"

Just seconds after Leni pulled a fifty out of her purse, the officer fired his weapon, putting a bullet in the perp's leg. Leni cried in shock before handing the boy the money. Way to go Lionel, taking her money will surely win her over.

"Good bet." Leni said with respect. Lionel turned his body to face her.

"No, it wasn't. I can't take you're money...I saw this earlier on the 6:00 news and knew that cop would shoot him."

Leni opened her mouth in surprise. "Wow, that's crazy! So did I, but I didn't think he would do it again."

Lionel took the money and left the house.


	4. No Going Back

**No Going Back**

* * *

The nighttime stars glittered above the fog as Lincoln and Ronnie Anne walked a quiet beach.

"I'll never understand women."

"Do you really _want_ to?" Ronnie Anne questioned with a grin.

"Yes, yes I do. I certainly do."

"Oh, alright then."

The tomboy whispered into Lincoln's ear; when she was done talking, in his widened eyes, the realization shined brighter than crystals.

He ran screaming into the night.


	5. All in Fair Play

**All in Fair Play**

* * *

Lincoln and Clyde spent the afternoon at the beach. They laid on the blistering sand, ogling girls.

"What do you think about that one?" Clyde asked as a girl walked by.

"Nope." Lincoln said. "Too fat."

"Her?"

"Eh, no. Too skinny."

In the burning sun, they sipped some water and starred at whatever female walked by.

"Woah, wow," Lincoln said, grabbing Clyde's attention. "Look at them!"

Three girls, wearing flaming pink and red bikinis, gracefully glided past.

"Nope." The boys heard one girl say to the others.


	6. Staying Strong

**Staying Strong**

* * *

When things were beginning to look up between Lori and Bobby, dishonest decisions sealed the deal of their broken relationship.

Lori was devastated when Bobby stole her personal money and abandoned her at a movie theater out of town. At first, she called the police and tried to find him, but she had zero luck. After days of calling him, she faced the cold hard facts. Now he, and her savings for college, had disappeared.

She really tried to forgive him, knowing his job back at the deli wasn't working out. They knew each other for a long time and dated for as long as they could remember. There had to be a reason for his sudden immoral behavior. He wasn't in a positive place emotionally, and he was only fighting for a way to get by. Shame for Lori, but Bobby was desperate.

But no, she couldn't do. He often lied to her face at the final days of their relationship, so much that anything else that slipped through his lips would be questionable. Like their relationship, a major trust barrier was broken. But a lump formed in her throat when she remembered it was broken both ways.

She remembered the day Bobby caught her tongue wrestling with another guy behind the school. She hugged her pillow tight as she buried her face in it. Someone knocked on her bedroom door. She quickly wiped her eyes when someone entered.

"Lori, time for dinner! I think mom and dad finally ordered enough pizza for all of us!" Luna shouted.

Lori sniffed and cleared her throat. "O-Okay, I'll be there..."

Luna frowned. "..You want to talk about it?" She asked.

"Maybe after dinner, both of our stomachs are literally rumbling."

Luna hugged her sister before leaving.

"There are many fish in the sea. I'm certain you'll find someone who truly deserves you." Luna said.

Lori nodded in hope, hugging her in return. Moving on was the only option. She just had to be strong.


	7. Bad Siblings

**Bad Siblings**

Rita sat on the living room sofa with a ton of things on her mind. How would her and Lynn Sr. be able to save enough money for another vacation? Would her boss give her a promotion if she asked for it? When will her kids stop acting like nutcases around the house? Their behavior was atrocious at times.

The stress was getting to her and she could tell by taking a simple glance in the mirror.

Lola, sitting in the neighboring chair as Luan sat in front of her on the floor, noticed how quiet her mother was. She sat next to her.

"Mom, you okay?" She asked before gasping in surprise. "Oh my gosh, what happened?"

Rita gave Lola a blank stare.

"Your hair, why is it turning grey?"

Rita saw this as an opportunity to enlighten her child.

"It is because-" Rita said before Luan interrupted her. Luan tossed her dummy across the room at the surprise of Lola's question.

"Lola, you shouldn't ask mom questions like that." She said before muttering, "It's because she's aging."

Rita was taken aback by Luan's statement.

"Excuse me?" Rita said with slight anger.

"It's because you're aging." Luan repeated.

"I am _not_ aging." Rita said without a stutter.

"It's okay mom, you're just getting old. After all, it explains why you smile every time we tell you something..."

"Huh?"

"Because you can't hear what we're saying!" Luan said, receiving an annoyed groan from Lola and a bothered glare from Rita. Luan simply didn't know when to stop talking.

"Not funny, Luan." Lola warned. Luan laughed.

"You kidding? How do you know when you've hit old age? When your waistline and your age are the same!"

Luan fell to the floor with both hands clutching her abdomen as she howled with laughter. Rita was fuming and this point.

"You children want to know why I have grey hair? It is because every single day, one of you do something dumb or bad to make my hair turn grey! You stress me out to no end."

Lola nodded to her mother. The 6-year old replied faultlessly. "I guess that explains why Pop Pop's hair is completely white."

Luan couldn't control herself anymore. With tears in her eyes, she laughed so hard she could barely breathe. Lola blushed and fearfully glanced at her mother.

"At least your father and I aren't the reason for Lincoln having white hair and eye bags!" Rita said before walking away. Silence filled the room.

The Loud sisters did annoy their parents from time to time, but they could now agree it was nothing compared to the stress they gave Lincoln.


	8. A Simple Dream

**A Simple Dream**

* * *

"Are you happy?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"Yes, I am," Rita said while sipping some coffee. "Are you?'

They were sitting at opposite ends of the sofa, facing each other with their legs outstretched. It was a warm sunny morning, but the air conditioning unit was making them chilly, so they shared a blanket. Rita pulled it up, nearly to her neck, barely giving Lynn enough blanket to cover him waist down. They could've easily turned the AC off, but the thought never crossed their minds. Oh brother, they were perfect for each other.

Some men dream of fame and fortune, but for as long as Lynn could remember, he had dreamed of waking up when he wanted, with nowhere to go, and sharing the morning with the woman he loved.

"Very. Absolutely. I don't think you even understand how happy I am right now." He answered, making his wife laugh. He smiled, sipping his coffee too.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Many can agree these two act irrational at times (Watch "Tripped!" if you don't believe me,) but with having eleven children, they do deserve a break every once in a while.


	9. Last Night of Freedom

**Last Night of Freedom**

* * *

 _Many years ago..._

Lynn Sr. refused to be married without her. He checked his watch multiple times.

"You think she's coming?"

One of his friends at the time stood by his side and smiled.

"Sure, I spoke to her answering machine."

Lynn Sr. paced. "I'm only doing this once, so she'd better show."

"Relax, she'll make it." His friend assured.

A few minutes later, Lynn heard cheers and whistling from outside. His patience had finally paid off, his brow nearly full of sweat.

The female stripper entered smiling.

"Hi, boys!"

Lynn Sr. produced a sigh of relief. The bachelor party could begin.


	10. Sweet Holidays

Exhausted and out of breath, Lincoln finally reached Santa's cavern.

"Lori says my mom and dad bring the toys and gifts on Christmas morning, but you're real and I can prove it."

Santa sat surprised, knowing the child arrived unannounced.

"Really? How's that?"

"Remember the hot chocolate you drunk last Christmas?"

"Sure, yours and all the other thousands of cups."

"I put nine sugars in that drink and my mother hates sugar."


End file.
